“A reader, ‘a proud husband and father in the Midwest,’ was upset with his wife because at their church Mother’s Day service:
‘She refused to stand and be recognized by our community. She says she won’t do it because there are women in our church who are not standing, and some of them might not be able to be mothers and may be hurt at the recognition that others are receiving.'”
Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos, Silent Sorority
The theme of this week’s Time Warp Tuesday is Mothering.
Maybe it’s because I had fraternal twins and the first question as a mother I always get asked is: “Do twins run in your family?” (“No. Do nosy jerks run in yours?”) Perhaps if I had had a singleton, I would have been quickly embraced into the world of motherhood, and would have embraced other moms as sisters-in-arms. Maybe I would never have been a bright-eyed new mom because of the hell of infertility. But the truth is, for a while after the twins were born (2 years?) I tried to fit in with the other moms. I posted photos of the kids on Facebook. I congratulated newly expectant mothers. But, and here’s where my old post comes in, I always felt like I was trying to “pass.” I heard from behind my back that I was thought to be “too anxious” a mother to hang out with. Other moms couldn’t relate to the world of twins, and the multiple moms I attempted to befriend would rarely admit that they had gone through fertility treatments. Or if I did talk about the treatments I had gone through, I would be told: “Everything happens for a reason.”
Best. Ecard. Ever. Click here to pin, share, etc.
But it wasn’t until I had my second miscarriage that I just decided to openly rebel by not even trying to fit in any more. And, I fell down the ALI wormhole.
I still feel, just, mad about it all. I don’t like the way the world at large treats those going through infertility and I don’t like the pedestal fertile women are put upon in our society. What is this, Game of Thrones? I also don’t like the way the world at large treats those parenting after infertility. I find it to be so hard. I find so little support.
I understand those who want to celebrate being a mother after going through so much to become one. I do. Go ahead, shout it from the rooftops. You deserve it.
But as for me, I will be the silent, non-standing woman.
“Not a Robot, But a Ghost,” Andrew Bird