Slowmomma, long one of my favorite bloggers who has been absent like me, recently put up a lovely post about how our stories matter. Even the boring ones.
So many stories I’d like to share here are literally not my stories to tell. But, I can talk about our remodel – long in the works, now officially begun.
When we bought this house, we knew we’d have to redo most of the living area. In fact, most of the house it’s safe to say, is butt-ugly and broken down. However, it was a good size for the area and we could afford it. So, we bought it. Five years now, we’ve lived in it. It’s seriously first world problems central to complain about an ugly and broken down house but I have to say living in it kind of depressed me in a very minor sort of way. First of all, I didn’t like hosting playdates or having people over, not because I thought anyone would judge me, but because it’s just not fun hosting people in a house that in one particular case actually stabbed someone. More on that later…
So let’s break down the problems:
It’s important to remind myself, because I am always going to read posts like this and feel like a dumbass for embarking on this remodel, that our kitchen is literally not functional. Why? Let me count the ways.
We have no hot water in our sink, and we have no water pressure. Oh, don’t be dramatic! I hear you saying in my head. Nope – we literally have no hot water that can come from our kitchen sink, and very little water pressure. Exhibit A.
That is the most water pressure we get. For real. Which means we do all our dishes, including our pots and pans, in the dishwasher. So, why no hot water and water pressure? Old broken down pumbing. We have had many reputable plumbers come out to give us the same sad opinion (which was also in the home disclosure packet) – all our pipes need to be replaced. Why is complicated, but it basically comes down to this. Don’t buy a 50+ year old home with galvanized pipes, y’all.
So, we’re looking at ripping up all of our downstairs and replacing all the pipes, already an intrusive, expensive endeavor. But what else is wrong?
Broken Appliances from the Early 60s
The appliances are original to the home. There are many, many problems with that.
1) Only two of the burners on the cooktop actually work. The others won’t actually heat up. So cooking Thanksgiving dinner is not really possible.
2) The oven door won’t shut. Enough said. These appliances are so old, that no one even has the parts to fix them according to several electricians.
3) It takes roughly twice as long to bake things as the recipe calls for. Probably because of the oven door that won’t shut. 😉 However, the oven goes from raw to burned super fast. So if I am baking, I basically have to monitor the baking really closely. When I made these cinnamon rolls for family over the holidays, I spent about three hours staring at the oven to make sure they didn’t burn.
The Tiles of Death
These heinous tiles are also dangerous. A friend leaned up against the bar one time and the tile crumbled, broke and stabbed him in the chest, drawing blood. For real, people! The ugly tile hates us as much as we hate it.
Questionable Design Choices
Let’s move on to the weird design choices that were made when the home was built. Yes, I am calling them weird. I am judging.
Weird Kitchen Cabinets
Hey – I know! Let’s block the flow of the open floor layout by putting some random cupboards up, making the kitchen extremely awkward.
Dirty Looking Linoleum
Here is the lovely original linoleum floor, which is impossible to clean and always looks dirty. IT COVERS THE ENTIRE LIVING AREA FLOOR, which means someone honestly thought that a family would enjoy it that much.
At some point, an owner thought the linoleum was an odd choice for the entire living area floor (word), so they decided to put down off-white carpet that shows every single possible stain, including in the DINING AREA (uh, what?). Worse, it’s a Berber carpet, so you can’t use those cheap carpet cleaning machines you can rent at Safeway. I had them professionally cleaned a few times, and someone breathed on them the next day and they turned grey. HATE THOSE CARPETS THEY ARE THE CARPETS OF SATAN.
Fireplaces! Fireplaces! Fireplaces!
Apparently massive ugly brick fireplaces with huge and deadly hearths were the height of fashion in 1962. Not only did multiple people trip and fall over those hearths, when my son was 2 he fell on the corner of one and got the scar in the middle of his forehead. I consider this incident my worst FAIL as a mother. But he likes the scar because he thinks it makes him like Harry Potter. And well, being like Harry Potter is definitely a good thing. So, I guess I can forgive the fireplace hearth.
So yeah. It’s time to make this a working, functional safe space. A non-heinous one would be a bonus too.
This is the point, dear readers, where I ask you if you have any advice. Either for living through a remodel (Oh yes, we are living here while we do it because we are crazy. And cheap.) or any appliances you love – looking for recommendations on convection ovens, refridgerators, cooktops, dishwashers.
And if you are curious what design aesthetic we’re going for (champagne taste on a beer budget basically) here’s our Pinterest Remodel board.