Tag Archives: fear

Time Warp: Fear and Mr. Rogers

Fear Among the Rapids

Today’s Time Warp topic is Fear. Want to know more about the Time Warp, hosted by the lovely Kathy? Go here.

I have written about fear a number of times. But I really liked this post. Maybe because it has a Mr. Rogers story in it. Mr. Rogers makes everything better.

Revisiting this post, I was struck by two things.

1) I was recently at my parents’ house and I found the Mr. Rogers book. It was inscribed to my BROTHER, not me. Doh.

2) I really like the lesson Mr. Rogers imparts:

“Because deep down, we know that what matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What really matters is helping others win too. Even if it means slowing down and changing our course now and then.”

Lately, I’ve heard a new criticism of the ALI community: that we create an audience that enables those suffering from fear. That our supportive comments perhaps keep bloggers in a static place where they don’t “smile” all the time and perhaps even keep them from being happy for others.

Honestly, I was aghast to hear this.

We blog because no one understands us in our daily lives. I have read so many ALI bloggers write about their TTC journeys and so many of them have mentioned a few universal fears: that they won’t be able to to conceive, that they will lose a pregnancy and that they wish they didn’t feel punched in the gut when they see friends and family easily get pregnant. But they do.

I felt these things, too. I felt like a freak in my day-to-day life, because no one understood. During my pregnancy, I was dropped by another pregnant friend (who had no trouble TTC) because she didn’t like my attitude. I was too fearful and anxious for her.

Well, I had good reason to be afraid. I had suffered a miscarriage and gone through 3 IVFs on my way to that pregnancy.

I remember when I was single, a popular pick-up line was: “SMILE! You’d be beautiful if I could see you smile.” It never, ever worked on me.

First of all, I smiled a lot back then!

Second, don’t dictate my emotions to me!

Look, we all put on fake smiles in the real world.

I don’t think we need to put them on HERE, in our spaces, where we can bond and share and be supported and EVEN CHALLENGED by people who have gone through what we have gone through.

Fear is a true emotion. I acknowledge that all of you feel it too. And I support you in acknowledging that fear.

Because like Mr. Rogers, I’d like to support you all on your journey, whether it be a path to adoption, fertility treatments or a life childless/childfree.

Mr. Rogers is right. We all win when we help each other.

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One Game at a Time?

I hate to pack. I am about to take a trip. Before I leave for a trip, I think, I tweet, I blog: I do anything to avoid packing. I don’t know why I hate it so. But I do. I really, really do.

So, I have avoided the X-Men series. Why? Well, to be honest, I HATE the idea of an ex-Holocaust victim as an arch-villan. I don’t know Magneto’s complicated backstory.

But, I was doing anything to avoid packing my suitcase and so after watching GOT, Girls and Veep (all while doing and folding many loads of laundry, I’d like to add) I began watching X-Men Master Class, set in the 1940s and 1960s. I love James MacAvoy, I NOW love Michael Fassbender and I was intrigued by the plot: Magneto seeks vengence upon his N.azi tormentor, and the killer of his mother. And then, as an ex-N.azi pulled his knife, I SUDDENLY REMEMBERED.

I was in a European country (I will not name it not, other than to say it was not Germany) perusing an open-air market. At first I was charmed by the art (a distinctive, lovely style and the beautiful people selling it: in fact, I bought a pretty painting) but then I noticed the memorabilia others were selling. How do I put this in this day and age? It was N.azi memorabilia. This was in 2005.

I am a blonde-haired blue-eyed woman who is of Scandinavian and English heritage, so I think the dealers were maybe more open to me, although I can’t prove that.

What I saw: passports from N.azi Germany, SS badges, plates with the horrible marks, glasses with horrible marks. Worst of all were the knives: weapons with that dreaded mark, knives saying in German terrible things. Iron things. Cold things. Deadly things.

I don’t understand the world. I never will.

I recently saw Fiddler on the Roof, the movie, for the first time. It was funny, wonderful and horrific. The pogroms, the discrimination.

What do I tell my children about this hate? I don’t know. So far, they know the story of Purim, and they worry about Hamen. As really, everyone should.

In Game of Thrones, one of the main characters, a strategist really, finds out about a distant, although very real threat. He says: “One game at a time.”

And I guess, in the end, this is what we can do and must do. No matter what our worries (environmental catastrophe, cancer, terrorism) we can only battle what we know is coming.

And what is coming?

An ugly attack on health coverage, unless you are rich. Intolerance of those who are infertile.

These are the issues that matter most to me. And so, they are the “knives” I will focus upon.

One game at a time. One game at a time.

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Fear and Babycenter

One of the downsides I’ve found to parenting after IF is the nagging sense that something awful might happen.

Babycenter. Doesn’t. Help.

These are real emails that I have received from Babycenter in the last few months.

1. Dangerous Toys To Avoid

2. Surprising Holiday Hazards

3. Warning Signs of a Toddler’s Speech Delay

4. Three symptoms that Spell the Swine Flu

I’m waiting for:

5. Snakes Living in Your Walls Might Eat Your Toddlers

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Filed under Babycenter Blues, Infertility, Parenting After IF