Summer’s End

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The Annual Family Lake Tahoe Photo

For the first time ever, I’ve come to this blog without a fully-formed Athena (TM: April) post. I always know how a post will begin, develop and end before I write it. Today, I don’t.

I’m in a strange period of transitions. The biggest is that the twins will be starting kindergarten next week. To have both of your children exiting early childhood and becoming school-aged is overwhelming. It’s the end of an era, definitively. There will be no more babies, no more toddlers, no baby brothers or sisters. Boom! My kids are school-aged. Fait accompli. It’s a bit bigger than I thought it would be. It’s filling every nook and cranny in my heart and a few times a day, I have to swallow lumps in my throat.

In order to stave off the inevitable, I am trying to chase the last days of summer, the twins in tow. We’ve gone to the park, local neighborhood haunts and our favorite restaurant. Every night, I’ve popped popcorn and we’ve all watched a Star Wars movie, the twins for the first time. We started with 4-6, and now are going backwards to 1-3. (Because the older ones are MUCH better, and Darcy and I wanted them to see those first.) To watch their excitement as the iconic Star Wars credits roll, it staves away the sadness of time passing. For a brief moment.

I’m feeling no longer young, but not old either. I feel, well, middle. It’s an odd place and it’s difficult to explain. Somehow, having younger children made me FEEL younger. Now that they are entering elementary school, I don’t seem like a young mother anymore. Even women who are older than me appear younger to me, because they have babies and toddlers. I know that makes no sense.

There are things to rejoice: I could not be more enthusiastic about the school they will attend. Back when I was a teenager, I babysat for a local family with the most wholesome and adorably nerdy boys. They loved astronomy, math and baseball, and they were sweet, nice kids. I dreamed of having children like those boys when I grew up. They attended a school that I mentally stored in my memory bank, for future dreams. When I met Darcy and learned he had attended the same K-8 school as those boys I babysat, it was a very positive check in his favor. I hoped my twins would attend this school, and when they were accepted this spring, I was so thrilled. The school emphasizes kindness and academic achievement equally, and just seems like a lovely, ideal environment for the twins. Fingers crossed.

There’s other stuff I can’t talk about now, more transitions, and I hate vagueblogging, but I definitely will share more when I can, and it’s all exciting stuff. And I know I owe you all a Project Dreamcatcher wrap-up. I’ve been so impressed with everyone who has participated in any way they could. It’s been deeply humbling to watch you all learn and make progress.

So that’s what’s up here. How are you all coping with the end of summer?

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14 Comments

Filed under Blogging, Parenting After IF

14 responses to “Summer’s End

  1. Mel

    Aaah, I know much of what you speak of very very well. I remember this summer that you’re in, right before the twins went to kindergarten. I have to admit that I haven’t really gotten better about the end of summer. I really despise the kids going back to school. And I get sad throughout August as I think of school starting up again. We’re also chasing summer.

  2. Boy do I understand. My only daughter is starting kindergarten as well, and it’s a big deal. Big. The emotions aren’t all bad, but they are intense.
    I also understand about the feeling older part. I am an older mom, but with a baby I felt younger than some of the younger moms of older kids.

  3. The public school system here started yesterday but as my older son is in private school, we have a couple of more weeks of the dog days of summer before he starts 1st grade at a new school. I just cannot get over that I have a son in elementary school, replete with homework!

    However, I have an 8 month old and look forward to the many firsts ahead. So, I understand how bittersweet this time must be for you.

  4. I seem to be coping with panic attacks. I think I’ll feel much better when I see what my schedule looks like; I’m still worried that they have given me something we did not agree upon.

    As for my project dreamcatcher, the final plants finally came so next Monday and Tuesday–the last two days of my summer–I have 144 little plants to put in the ground. And then I’ll officially be done with what I was able to do this summer. I’m pleased with what I accomplished.

    I totally understand how you feel about feeling a different age now that your kids are in school. I think that makes sense. It will be a hard transition but I also think it will be good, in the long rung. At least I hope it will be good.

  5. Ha! I forgot about Athena. 🙂

    We’re planning to watch 4-6 with Abby sometime soon; she’s enjoyed some YouTube videos here and there.

    I’m glad the twins are going to the school you always wanted for them. Good luck with the transition!

  6. My heart hurts for you. This is why I didn’t want twins – because I can’t imagine going through this for both children at the same time. Ugh. I’m seriously hurting for you.

  7. I can imagine this is such a bittersweet time for you- anticipation in all the twins will experience and learn now that they are in school, but sadness that their babyhood is completely gone. I’m so glad they will be attending that school- it sounds wonderful!

  8. I am placing my head fully in the sand and claiming summer ain’t over till I break out the long sleeves. I have at least another month. Maybe 2 depending on CA decides to treat me.

    G will start school next year and I may have to use her time away to go to therapy to deal with it. I’m that mom.

  9. I think what you wrote about feeling in the middle makes total sense. These transitions in life and parenthood are so bittersweet.

    I love your family picture! Thank you for sharing it. What a beautiful foursome!

    My husband and son watched all 6 Star Wars movies together this year, in the same order you chose and really bonded through the experience.

    As for our summer, it has been crazy busy and wonderful and exhausting. I am feeling ready to return to our school year routine now, though I will surely be longing for these summer days in a few months.

    Kudos to you for letting yourself write and share a post that your didn’t pre-plan. 🙂

  10. Is it wrong that I’m jealous? My son is 2 & kindergarten feels a zillion years away!

  11. I dream of kindergarten, hahaha. The summer has flown by in a flurry of playdates, activities, driving, driving, driving. I’m busy beyond belief but at least I’m not bored. My son is growing up before my very eyes and sometimes I just want him to be a baby again, a tiny, portable, quiet baby! Hah!

  12. Hi! I found you on Blogher and it led me here to you, WordPress. Your title caught my eye b/c we just vacationed in Tahoe this summer (we are from NY) and it was amazing! I am a teacher, so I always feel this weird bittersweetness about the end of summer (mostly bitter, I think! It’s so nice to have free time !) But it sounds like there are some exciting times ahead for you!

    Glad I found you on Blogher! I’m just figuring it out there (but I’m a little confused? Can you post on WordPress and then just ‘repost’ on their blog platform? Can’t quite figure out if I have to stop blogging on WP or if I can just duplicate some of the same blogs from WP on BH?)

    I’m looking forward to following you here! 🙂

  13. I am sad to see the summer end, albeit obviously not for the back to school reasons, but because it means the busy year end season is upon us at work — complicated this year by a transition in company leadership — and jealousy that dh doesn’t have to deal with any of this anymore. ; ) Gah!!

  14. P.S. Great photo. Your kids are so cute! 🙂

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