2002 was the year I got married. In the UK, and specifically within the Ibiza Chill Out scene, a haunting song would often play at the coolest of lounges and clubs in London. It was a song that was incredibly romantic. The violins stirred and reminded me of what my heart heard when I met Darcy for the first time. I contemplated playing this tune as I walked down the aisle, but thought it was a bit racy. So I decided upon “Storybook Love,” the theme from The Princess Bride, one of my favorite movies of all time.
But I memorized the romantic loop of “Slip Into Something More Comfortable” for our Honeymoon: I ingrained it into my head, for there were no iPods, not yet. Specifically, I remembered it for our island getaway to Mnemba, which in my mind IS paradise on earth. While there, we stayed in a beautiful bungalow, and dined by ourselves under the most low-hanging and vivid stars I have ever seen. I actually felt I could stand up and touch the bright constellations. I also scuba dived for the first and probably last time in the Indian Ocean. I remember every moment we were there, every limeade we were brought by our butler. The guy was so aristocratic that WE tended to his every need: I was always asking him what I could get him or what books he would want to read. (All the smartest books I had, I soon found out. He loved Margaret Atwood. Turns out he was in fact a Zanzibar noble.)
When I went through infertility, whether it was transfers or accupuncture treatments or injections, I always replayed the Kinobe loop in my head. I remembered how my low-slung red bikini fit me so gorgeously, I remember wearing sarongs to mealtimes with famous and important people: including the producer of all of the Harry Potter movies. I remember wearing Hermes scarves on my head with my wedding pearls and somehow feeling as badass as a pirate. I had come face-to-face with lions and leopards and green mambas and was unbowed.
It’s hard to remember that girl now. That beautiful, sculpted, optimistic adventurer. Yet, she is here. All I need to do is play Kinobe to call her back into existence.