My Frog Prince

The second time I ever saw my son I was lying on a gurney bed as I was wheeled into recovery. A nurse held him up in the Well Baby nursery and through the plate glass, about 6 feet away, my son stared at me. The way he was held made him look like a frog: splay-legged and tiny. He clearly knew me and the look on his face froze my heart: he wanted his mother. I had a strong desire to shatter that glass and grab him.

I still feel that way about him. I dropped him off at day camp this week and he rushed me and tackled my leg and wouldn’t let me loose. I had the strongest urge to pick him up and run out of the room, my son tucked under my arm like a football.

Of course, when I picked him up he said, “Mommy, I had the best day of my LIFE!”

He had charmed all of the adults at the camp, as always. He’s always possessed the knack of drawing people into his world. He’s an outgoing little guy. He asks everyone their name and then proceeds to ask them a lot of questions. He wants to know how anything scientific or mechanical actually works. He takes apart his cars and then reassembles them. He told me yesterday: “I want to be a radiologist, because that would allow me to see people’s broken parts and help put them back together.”

I don’t think I’ve ever uttered the word “radiologist” aloud.

It was discovered on the second day of his life that he had something called “wet lung,” a complication that happens sometimes after a C-section. I was in the worst shape of my life the second day. The evening before I had suffered from Anaphylaxis after being given a pain medication. That meant the doctors had to take me off pain medication almost altogether, which meant I felt every single inch of my torn apart abdomen. I imagine it’s what soldiers felt after being operated on in the gruesome pre-anethesia phase of civilization. I couldn’t even speak, just scream with tears streaming down my face. Finally at 5 AM they found some painkilling concoction that worked without killing me.

At 8 AM I was told my daughter was doing great but my son was not. He had been transferred to the NICU. Darcy and my mother-in-law were trying to keep me calm and keep me well: I insisted on rising out of my bed (oh, the agony) and because sitting was a pain level 8, I refused the wheelchair and staggered slowly down the hall towards the NICU. I wanted to run, but I had to crawl. Finally I made it there and saw my frog prince and he stared at me and knew his mother was there. He fixed me with his eyes and willed me not to go. He was covered in wires. And his assigned nurse was cooing over him. “He’s so wonderful,” she said.

If you ask my son what he wants to be when he grows up, he’ll say: “A daddy.” He loves babies and younger kids. He loves to explain things to them. I imagine I’ll be the worst mother-in-law in the world. I’ll never want to leave his side and I’ll always be crawling though tunnels or day camps or dorm halls to see him again, to have his eyes fix on me. So he can say: “Mommy, don’t go.”

I never will.

Now

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14 Comments

Filed under Family, Parenting After IF

14 responses to “My Frog Prince

  1. What a sweet boy. What a beautiful mama.

  2. This is just so lovely … both your boy, and the way you write about him.

  3. Such a beautiful post. I love that you have your frog prince.

  4. Sorry you had such a hectic birth experience. No pain meds must have been agony – having just recently gone through it ( with meds – bad enough!). Newborn legs do look a bit like frogs – I think it’s so cute the way my son tends to draw his legs up into a bent position rather than straighten them out. He will rather do that than put individual legs into their space – or even 2 legs in one pant leg.
    Your son is adorable and I’m glad you share such ad special relationship.

  5. What a beautiful post about your relationship with your son. I can’t imagine having to share mine someday, if and when he finds a special someone. But I am doing my best to soak in our time together now, while he is still young. Your son sounds like a very special boy. Thank you for sharing this. Love the then and now photos too.

    I think I hav told you this already, this month, but NaBloPoMo agrees with you! I am thuroghly enjoying your daily posts. 🙂

  6. Oh, man. This post brings an image to my mind:

    It was the day after Lucky was born. I was fretting over figuring out how to feed him (I was woefully underprepared for the issues of a c-section and breastfeeding, given that I wasn’t certain I was going to bring home a live baby during all of my pregnancy), and was worrying aloud to Charlie about it. He interrupted me and said, “look at the baby.”

    Lucky was staring into my eyes as I talked. And that moment, man. He KNEW me. He wanted me to talk to him, to snuggle him and quit worrying so damn much. Just me.

    Somehow we’ve held that same relationship for the past 4 + years.

    I, too, will make an awful mother-in-law, I suspect.

    Thanks for the memory.

    xoxo

  7. Awww!! I loved this post. The ending made me think of Robert Munsch’s “Love you Forever.” Are you going to sneak into his room at night and rock him when he’s grown up, like the mom in the book did? ; )

  8. This post – and the photos – are so beautiful!
    This:
    “I imagine I’ll be the worst mother-in-law in the world. I’ll never want to leave his side and I’ll always be crawling though tunnels or day camps or dorm halls to see him again, to have his eyes fix on me. So he can say: “Mommy, don’t go.””
    Lovely.

  9. can’t imagine having no pain meds after a surgery like that. You are a tough woman!

  10. Loribeth – I LOVE that book! When I was a kid, I hated it, but now, I cry whenever I read it to my son.
    And Jjiraffe, I love that picture of you guys now. So sweet.
    What a scary birth experience, though!!

  11. Such a sweet post and beautiful pictures! I suspect I’ll be an awful MIL too. D is in a super-clingy mommy-only phase right now and while I can’t wait for it to decrease a bit, I know I’ll miss being the total center of his world.

  12. Sniff, sniff, sniff! You and I will be the world’s worst mothers in law together 😉 I truly worry that I am going to be one of those MIL’s who thinks no one is good enough for her son – and my son is only 12 months old. HA!

    GREAT photos – I love them! Your little Frog Prince is quite handsome!

  13. Beautiful post. Made me tear up.

  14. Sarah

    Ahh, precious, precious boy…

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