Self Worth: Can We Determine This Ourselves?

I forgot to mention in the last post that I am participating in NaBloPoMo for the month of July.

Yikes.

I’ve been feeling rather flaky. I’ve had friends hounding me for weeks, trying to set up play dates, events, dinners. I’ve been so overwhelmed by their requests because of my schedule: or lack of one. The kids have no school for three months, my babysitter officially retired (she graduated college and accepted a job) and my husband isn’t around because of work-related events and travel. When he does get home, it’s usually after the kids have gone to bed.

For the longest time, I’ve felt so guilty. I’m letting friends down. Then today I realized, rather like Sally Field, that I should take these texts and emails as a compliment. People like me, they want to hang out with me and I should focus on that, not on my own failure to be able to respond.

When you’re a SAHM, there is little adult feedback in day-to-day life. Spending time with parents on the playground, at a venue, is honestly a mixed bag. Some people just make you feel inadequate. (Usually because of your own issues.) There is always a well-behaved child who eats everything their parents give them, even Brussels sprouts. There are nurses at doctor’s offices who give you a dirty look for checking your phone.

Mostly, there is little to no positive feedback.

This is not meant to be a tirade about SAHMs vs. WAHMs or parenting or anything like that. I think women have it very, very tough in general. Whether we are parenting after infertility or loss or in our twenties, confused about how to handle ourselves in this economy. Whether we are secretly mourning the fact we don’t have children or we just decided that we didn’t want children, for many reasons.

We expect the world of ourselves and are often disappointed. Our lack of perfection amazes us. We try so hard. We…fail. Often. Because we are human and flawed.

But: even so. We are lovable and admirable and fantastic. Every last one of us. I believe it. Because you tell me so. Because I read your stories, because I feel your love for your children, and I could feel that if I was on a rocket ship in outer space. Because no matter whether we are doctors or lawyers or accountants or writers or former PR people struggling to live up to our expectations.

No matter if we had to give up our dreams to be a parent because of infertility.

No matter if we are approaching an older age and feel less visible.

No matter if we aren’t living the life we dreamed for ourselves.

ALL OF US. We are worth our own love, we are worth our own respect. And it begins with ourselves.

Today I am telling myself that I am an amazing person. For the first time in a long time, I believe it.

It begins now.

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16 Comments

Filed under Infertility, Parenting After IF

16 responses to “Self Worth: Can We Determine This Ourselves?

  1. This is such a beautiful post. I am constantly setting such high expectations for myself and if I don’t achieve exactly what I’m after I feel like such a failure … at everything. Thanks for the reminder to see the big picture 🙂

  2. Esperanza

    What a fabulous, and inspiring, post. It’s true that woman have it hard in this world, we are expected to do so much, to excel in so many areas, and we rarely are given praise for what we accomplish. When praise is no where to be found, and as a teacher and mother I’ve found this to be true much of the time, we must find that praise in ourselves. We must be able to tell ourselves that we’re doing a good job, we must gage our self-worth on our own views of ourselves and what we’ve accomplished, otherwise we’ll be sorely disappointed.

  3. You absolutely are an amazing person and I’m so glad you are starting to realize it. Fabulous post my dear.

  4. You are right: we are too hard on ourselves. Give yourself credit for all you are achieving.

  5. Yes! I agree! Great post!

    You are an amazing person and I am glad to hear that you believe that about yourself.

    So excited you are doing NaBloPoMo too!

    As an aside, I love the photo you began this post with! Did you take it? Very cool!

  6. Have fun writing this month. You are amazing, I’m glad you can recognize that in yourself. Looking forward to your upcoming posts 🙂

  7. Yes, you are amazing! I look forward to reading all your posts this month!

  8. It is so true – being at SAHM I get very little adult company and very little positive encouragement. Often my definition of a successful day is when the kid doesn’t whine too much, he falls asleep in his stroller so I can get 30 minutes to myself and I make dinner before hubby comes home and I can make it to the gym. The end. Maybe I should put a little praise for myself on the bathroom mirror. I am all that I seek.

  9. Now I feel petty for my post yesterday…but this is what I meant, that I am worthwhile. And you are an amazing person.

    Also…we have that kid who eats everything. It’s so weird!

  10. Mo

    I just want to cheer at this! I hope you keep on telling yourself that you are amazing, because you really truly are!

  11. Not that my opinion matters, but I think you are an amazing person, too. ❤

  12. You are awesome, and thank you for the reminder that I am, too! I so look forward to reading all your posts this month.

  13. Great post and yes, you are an amazing person!

  14. *cheering* … I can’t wait to meet you in person. 🙂

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