Conversations With Darcy About Facebook

Darcy: I was on Facebook today and xyz person was totally annoying me.
Me: I haven’t been on my personal Facebook page in weeks.
Darcy: Really? Not even when you’re bored?
Me: Nope.
Darcy: Why?
Me: It’s too fake. Like, there’s only professional portraits of smiling, photoshopped families. Or shallow stories trying to make someone look funny. Or political diatribes.
Darcy: Or people saying they’re eating dinner at Poggio’s or checking into the Four Seasons Maui Resort. Fuck that.
Me: Totally. You know what would be rad?
Darcy: Can you stop trying to make that word happen?
Me: You know what would be rad?
Darcy: (Sighs) What?
Me: If someone would actually post on there about their real life. Like today, for example:
Me: Status update: 3/3/2012, 11:25 AM Jjiraffe: Husband not successful flushing toilet.
Darcy: YES! Status update: 3/3/2012 11:26 AM Darcy: Going to CVS to buy new plunger.
Darcy: Status update: 3/3/2012 11:32 AM Darcy: CVS doesn’t have a plunger. Shit. Ace is the place?
Me: Status update: 3/3/2012 11:32 Jjiraffe: Where the hell is Darcy? It stinks!
Darcy: Status update: 3/3/2012 11:48 Darcy: Toilet successfully plunged. But we will need to replace our plumbing pipes, for real this time.
Me: Status update: 3/3/2012 11:49 Jjiraffe: $10k more down the drain? Can’t we just eat more vegetables?
Me: Status update: 3/3/2012 12: 04 PM Jjiraffe: Depressed. Just binged on half a box of thin mints while watching two episodes of “Hoarding: Buried Alive.”

AAANND now you know about the super-glamourous, chic and fancy life we lead.

What would YOU really say on Facebook about today?

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15 Comments

Filed under Dumb

15 responses to “Conversations With Darcy About Facebook

  1. Hmmm if I said the things I really felt on Facebook… people would have me committed. That’s why I have a blog, because I can be real and people accept me. FB is all about people trying to show off the great part of their lives (I know because I used to do it) but its funny how we go silent when life gets hard. Maybe that’s wrong… I guess I’m part of the problem that makes it so fake. I’ve definitely tried to be more real as of late, posting Sarah’s story and other related articles. I don’t really want to ever share about this pregnancy until there is a baby in my arms but that would be more of the same… sharing the good and not the bad. Good food for thought!

  2. 3/3/2012 9:07 AM: Damn cat knocked over the water bowl *again*.
    3/3/2012 5:17 PM: Making an awesome dinner, trying brown sugar in the potato bread instead of honey!
    3/3/2012 8:42 PM: Saturday night and I’m knitting and baking bread? Did I miss thirty years?

    My highlights weren’t very high today. But no toilet problems, so I guess we’re doing good.

  3. Esperanza

    Bwahahahaha!

    Laughing my ass off over here. Darcy has obviously never seen the recent picture of Isa with her new friend, bulb of fennel. That is not an airbrushed family photo.

    If we ever went on Facebook these would be the gems for today.

    3/3/2012 12:05pm One dog pees on Isa’s soccer ball at the park.
    3/3/2012 12:06pm Another dog pees on Isa’s soccer ball at the park.
    3/3/2012 12:07pm First dog comes back and pees again on Isa’s soccer ball at the park.
    3/3/2012 12:10pm I rinse Isa’s ball off at the dog water fountain and give it back to Isa.

    That was pretty much the most interesting thing we did all day. 😉

  4. SRB

    I finally quit FB last fall when I realized that bragging + drama = dragging. Goodbye cruel world!

    Also, I say “rad” so it’s totally happening!

  5. I have a friend who posts the mundane, like “I’m going to buy windshield wipers now.” It gets old 🙂

    Inspired by this post, I just wrote a status about my day so far, “These french toast sticks are totally worth the burn I got on my finger.”

  6. Bwahaha!

    I am SO in love with you right now!

  7. I would simply post, “Why can’t M learn to sleep through the night? And why can’t B grow a boob so he can help me out?!?!”

  8. Port of Indecision

    But you had Thin Mints. So there’s that.

  9. This is too funny! I’m sure no one would want to hear about the mundane details of my day, but if I posted all the weird conversations Hubby and I have, like your conversation here, that might be worth reading!

  10. Amy

    I totally just posted it. It would be hilarious if we actually HAD any money to do all the shit that needs done right now. Instead, it’s just really sad:

    “Our front bathroom is apparently staging a home-improvement version of “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” It goes something like this: If the towel bar falls off the wall (seriously?), the wallpaper will want to be peeled off. If the wallpaper comes down, the walls will want paint. The ceiling demands equal treatment. The lighting in here is terrible. That bathtub will not allow a proper bubble bath. That tile is practically falling off the wall anyway, right?

    Thanks a lot, towel bar. Not like I was trying to spend time and money on that other room across the hall or anything.”

  11. You are totally RAD and I’m totally going to start saying rad all the time now that you’ve resurrected it 🙂

  12. Mel

    I can go weeks without posting to Facebook. I go on and read, and then it suddenly occurs to me that I haven’t updated my own status in days. But I like reading. I’m friends with a bunch of really funny people who have great updates. This actually just reminded me to log on…

  13. door bell rings. Our neighbour! She actually says “hi, I’m your neighbour” – this shows how often we see each other 😉
    I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP: she asked to borrow a plunger!!!
    I found that a bit yucky (mmm… I am sure she won’t clean the plunger with soap after fixing her pooped-up toilet?)
    Five minutes later – door bell rings again. She asked where she can buy a plunger. And then noticed the stroller, and got all excited congratulating us on having a baby…

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