Darcy: I was on Facebook today and xyz person was totally annoying me.
Me: I haven’t been on my personal Facebook page in weeks.
Darcy: Really? Not even when you’re bored?
Me: It’s too fake. Like, there’s only professional portraits of smiling, photoshopped families. Or shallow stories trying to make someone look funny. Or political diatribes.
Darcy: Or people saying they’re eating dinner at Poggio’s or checking into the Four Seasons Maui Resort. Fuck that.
Me: Totally. You know what would be rad?
Darcy: Can you stop trying to make that word happen?
Me: You know what would be rad?
Darcy: (Sighs) What?
Me: If someone would actually post on there about their real life. Like today, for example:
Me: Status update: 3/3/2012, 11:25 AM Jjiraffe: Husband not successful flushing toilet.
Darcy: YES! Status update: 3/3/2012 11:26 AM Darcy: Going to CVS to buy new plunger.
Darcy: Status update: 3/3/2012 11:32 AM Darcy: CVS doesn’t have a plunger. Shit. Ace is the place?
Me: Status update: 3/3/2012 11:32 Jjiraffe: Where the hell is Darcy? It stinks!
Darcy: Status update: 3/3/2012 11:48 Darcy: Toilet successfully plunged. But we will need to replace our plumbing pipes, for real this time.
Me: Status update: 3/3/2012 11:49 Jjiraffe: $10k more down the drain? Can’t we just eat more vegetables?
Me: Status update: 3/3/2012 12: 04 PM Jjiraffe: Depressed. Just binged on half a box of thin mints while watching two episodes of “Hoarding: Buried Alive.”
AAANND now you know about the super-glamourous, chic and fancy life we lead.
What would YOU really say on Facebook about today?