Grouchiness and Reciprocity

A week ago, I took a road trip for a friend’s birthday. I’m a boring old lady and have no interest in going to Da Club these days, or whatever the kids are calling it. But I went to a dance club to honor my friend. I tried to have fun, I did. But I didn’t want to drink and I didn’t really like the music. Have you ever seen that HIMYM episode when Ted notes that all club music sounds like this: “DOUCHE! DOUCHE! DOUCHE!” Exactly.

Anyway, one of the members of the party danced a bit too exuberantly, and elbowed me in the tooth. It hurt so much that I was really worried my tooth was chipped. So I went to the poorly
lit bathroom, but it looked fine. I promptly forgot about it.

This shows you how much I pay to my appearance: today I was brushing my teeth and noticed that my tooth is INDEED CHIPPED! You can’t tell unless you look close. BUT IT MADE ME SO MAD!!!

I realize that the reason it made me mad is I feel almost everything I do is for other people. Most of the time I’m cool with that and happy to be of service. But it also makes me crabby sometimes, especially when I don’t get to do anything for myself. Sometimes, I feel depleted.

So this morning Mel posted this, and I realized: my problem with blog comments is so petty and dumb, but I think it’s a larger symptom of feeling depleted. Blogging is the one thing I do for myself, so maybe I’m extending my issues with reciprocity personally on there.

Anyway, I’m a work in progress. Hopefully I’ll get to that Namaste place soon.



Filed under Dumb

9 responses to “Grouchiness and Reciprocity

  1. Oh, your poor tooth!

    I don’t think it’s petty to expect others to extend the same courtesy to you as you do to them. Obviously if it’s your friend’s birthday, it’s all about her, but that doesn’t apply the rest of the year. Everybody needs to take time out for themselves and do what pleases them every once in a while. Sometimes we (I) get so caught up in trying to please others, we (I) forget that.

    And yes, the “douche douche douche” music–I wouldn’t last two seconds in a place like that! You’re a good friend for putting up with that!

  2. Mel

    Dude, I don’t think your questions about commenting are dumb and petty — I think it is an interesting discussion. An important discussion. And I think there isn’t one way to look at it.

    That said, I hear you on the depleted thing. There was a point last week where I turned to Josh and said, “I just lived this entire day for everyone else without one second for me. And now it’s time for bed.” There are a lot of days like that, it seems. Though I don’t see what I can drop in order to make that time for myself. Work? Taking care of the twins? Dinner?

    • Heh. I actually think MY being bothered about not getting comments is petty and silly 😉 I totally need to do some Yoga, for real.

      I think you, me and Esperanza would rock a rad dinner conversation 🙂 I wish you lived closer, or vice versa…maybe someday I’ll get to BlogHer…

  3. Totally not petty! Finding the balance between doing things for others and taking care of yourself is tremendously difficult. Especially when you have a big heart and want to help others. Everyone is different so I can’t draw a line for you, but I can suggest you keep a 7 day list of everything you do for others and everything you do for yourself. Review the list after and see what could have been done differently. What things did you do for others that, had you not, would have been done anyways? What were the things that your presence was absolutely critical? What are ways you can combine doing for others and caring for yourself? Etc. I have done this in my own life several times and it has shed a lot of light on my situation. Sometimes I realize I’m really over doing it and have to dial back and find some “me time.” Other times I realize I’m actually doing more for myself than I realize and am able to be more present while doing them and relish in the “caring for me” time.

  4. Sorry about your tooth 😦 I agree that you aren’t being petty! You have as much right as anyone else to have some you time and to be acknowledged. What I’ve been realizing lately from your posts and the blog commenting posts is that I need new friends. I don’t necessarily feel like I’m depleted from over-giving, but I don’t feel like the people in my life in any way acknowledge me in any meaningful way.

  5. Rachel @ Eggs In A Row

    First of all, you are beyond incredible for going up in da club. 10 years ago today, I most likely went into class hungover and smelling like vodka and idiot boys. Today, I’m hungover from a weekend of in-laws and sadness. So kudos.

    If you find Namaste, please send me an invite, ok?

  6. If you think you have a problem with today’s music, imagine me, who generally listens to classic rock from the 70s. ; )

    Sorry about your tooth — I am paranoid about my teeth. I’m always having dreams about them all falling out & rattling around in my mouth. :p It sucks when you really don’t want to do something, do it anyway, & what do you know, it turns out to be as crappy an evening as you feared it might be. :p (((hugs))

  7. Wordgirl

    I’m using the dictation function on my phone which is notoriously bad so I’m sorry if there are errors. I’m sneaking this in as Zoe sits in her highchair for lunch… I really understand the blogging comments thing. I am a horrible commenter. I used to be better but now I always think I’m going to get back and never do or the energy I’m using to get through the day is used on a post itself and then I seriously can’t find the time or energy to comment which is lame… Because this is a community and blogging is really only powerful in its power to connect us… Xoxoxo

  8. I’m in the middle of a year-long energy class, and the homework one time was to make a list of what we do out of duty and what we do out of love. Just making the list was helpful. Now I am more aware of my motivations and can choose more consciously where I want to put my energy.

    Sigh…haven’t figured out yet how to get “laundry” from one column to the other.

    I’m mad about your tooth, too!

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