I have often worried about the fact that I write about Adoption/Infertility/Loss and yet…I’m a parent.
How annoying must I be to those who have not yet won the “Golden Ticket”? Or those who have chosen to live without children, after infertility?
I came to blogging late: I struggled to get pregnant for two and a half years, but I didn’t blog during that time. I know that two and a half years is nothing to many. I have two children. So do I need to shut the fuck up?
I’ve tried to do investigative journalism, such as it is with no resources at my disposal other than the internet and interviews, to shine a spotlight on the unfair coverage that goes on in the mainstream media of the ALI community.
I know that when I was on the list for various ICLWs, probably many other participants saw that I was “parenting after infertility” and listed “twins parenting” and I’m sure they rolled their eyes and said: “NAAAAHHHH, won’t be checking THAT blog out.”
I don’t blame anyone for doing that AT ALL. I remember how I didn’t want to be around anyone parenting when I was in the midst of cycling or being told I had premature ovarian failure.
So I write about Faces of ALI and about the New York Times’ crappy coverage of infertility but I also write from the distinctly privileged point of view of someone who has crossed the finish line.
I think this post is a must-read for ALL ALI bloggers.
It brings up the point that no one is an ALI blogger forever. We all go on to either adopt or have a successful treatment or…we don’t.
All blogs evolve.
Dooce went from writing about living single in L.A. to getting married, having kids, going through bad PPD and now she’s separated from her husband. (Which totally makes me sad. I really want them to work it out. Unless, you know, they can’t.)
In the ALI world, the big bloggers take different paths.
— Mel writes about the ALI community and does a tremendous amount of invaluable community-building. She’s a parent to twins, like me, and writes about lots of things.
— Lori covers Open Adoption with a wonderfully open heart, and is writing a book about the topic.
— Pamela Tsigdinos has written a book about women without children after infertility, called Silent Sorority, which has been widely acclaimed.
— Keiko raises hell as the advocate we all know and need.
— Elphaba, whose witty and persuasive writing about infertility actually gained notice outside of our community (a rare feat, indeed), has settled into being a mommy blogger after the birth of her daughter
— Mommy Odyssey, in the midst of a difficult pregnancy, is taking a break from blogging.
So you see, there are many paths.
I won’t always be an ALI blogger. I guess. I mean, the chances of me ever being pregnant again are slim to none, so this won’t be a pregnancy blog. I don’t like writing about parenting much, either.
The truth is, my heart belongs with my fellow sisters in the ALI community. Even if they don’t want me. I can’t really explain why this is, and it perplexes a lot of people in my life who would prefer I rejoin the shinny happy parenting crowd. Where I briefly stayed and felt like a tourist.
What do you think? Is there an expiration date for all ALI blogs? Do you want me to separate my journalism from my memoir-ish musings when they include parenting? Am I a tourist here in this community, too? Do we all need to stick together? Or are we better off in our quadrants? And I really am asking this with an open mind. I want to know what you think. Even if you think it might hurt people’s feelings.