Something really terrible happened on Monday. I rear-ended a car and the driver was injured. This is the first accident I have ever been in as a driver in my 20+ years of driving. And it was my fault. It was at a notoriously blind intersection and I was temporarily blinded also by the sun, which was low and directly in my vision. But still. I took full liability to everyone (insurance company included), but I am very worried about the man I rear-ended. I keep asking our insurance adjuster to see if he’s OK. I want to track him down and send him flowers or something, but I only have his first name. I apologized a lot to him at the scene, but it doesn’t feel enough. I wish I could rewind the morning. Make it come undone.
I have been trying to do one good deed a week since September outside of helping my immediate family, always my number one priority. I feel like I was kind of on a roll. I have made meals for families, committed small, random acts of kindnesses (like always letting cars merge in front of me, giving to charity), sent gifts to those in need.
So then, this. This is the opposite of a good deed.
As someone going through infertility and loss, we are so often the victims of circumstances. But here I am not a victim.
Dear readers. You have always helped me before. How do I move past this? How do I make amends to this nice man, who did nothing to warrant this awful accident? How do I forgive myself? Have you ever been involved in a situation where you were to blame?