Each week, the lovely and talented Kathy hosts Tuesday Time Warps. Today’s Time Warp topic is resolution. The past post I chose was about searching for resolution in my 38th year: whether we would pursue a third child. Now I am almost 39 and am no closer to resolution than I was before.
My only serious option, were we to try for a third, is to heavily invest in Assisted Reproduction Technology, a branch of medicine which barely got me pregnant when I was 34, and my head ART chief noted that my ovaries were about as high functioning a machine as the Chevy Corvair. I can only imagine that my ovaries now are on a Ford Pinto performance trajectory at this point. Ping. KAPOW! (Top Secret, anyone? Anyone?)
This is all silly conjecture, except I feel after my last miscarriage that a child seems to be missing. I never thought I’d have three children. I’d be lucky with one, and now look at Ms. Greedy Guts with two children wanting three. With all of the environmental problems and economic chaos and lack of large financial funds and the high cost of living and the state of the world. You want three kids? I imagine all this is going through someone’s head. Not to mention all my infertility friends who are struggling with just wanting one. I feel so callous and unfeeling and uncaring to really pursue anything. So we haven’t. We’ve made, as Kathy puts it, a “soft no” decision.
I was mostly OK with it until I read this post by Chickenpig. Chickenpig is brave enough to not waffle: she feels in her heart that she has more children waiting for her. I admire her certainty.
Where does this lead me? I’m not sure.
Where are you on your journey? Are you “done”? Struggling to have one? In an ideal world where fertility was not an issue, how many children would you want?