Wherein, I Write the Annoying Post Infertiles Should Never Write

My adorable, spirited twins are reaching An Age. An Age that is challenging me immensely. So far, they’ve chased away several young, able-bodied babysitters. The last one they ran off said, “I don’t know how you do this. All respect.”

I am in the midst of composing an ad for a sitter.

“Do you have the patience of the Dalai Lama? Do you enjoy a challenge on par with the building of the Golden Gate Bridge? Are you a short order cook? A fashion consultant who enjoys wardrobe changes every 15 minutes? A sanitary worker who does not mind cleaning little potties every hour on the hour?”

Babyhood was a fun whirlwind of exhaustion. Early toddlerhood was an immune system strengthening test of how well I baby proofed the house. The terrible twos? Not so terrible. But aged three?

Probably the best way to explain this age is to tell you that I did a Skype teleconference with my parents and the kids. It lasted 20 minutes. After it ended my mother had to go take a nap. It lasted twelve hours.

I never feel like I should vent about being a mom. I’m so happy to be one. I went through so much to be one.

Is it OK to complain about how hard motherhood can be when you’re an infertility vet? Does anyone know any Nanny McPhees that live in the Bay Area?

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Wherein, I Write the Annoying Post Infertiles Should Never Write

  1. YES! Infertiles are allowed to express freely the difficulties of parenthood. The reality is, it’s really f*cking hard, even when you waited a long time and sacrificed a lot to get there. I’ve been completely surprised by how hard it is on a day to day level. I love my daughter more than anything but every night I go to be tired in ways I never knew were possible. And sometimes, when I get home and she wakes up only moments after my SIL closes the door, all I can think is, please, just sleep for 30 more minutes! Of course when I see her smiling face I’m ecstatic to be with her, but I’m also bone tired and am thinking of the thousand other things I have to do. A mother’s job is literally never done, it’s only postponed. And that’s a stressful place to be in.

    Of course Isa is only 9.5 months old but I can already tell she’s going to give us a run for our money. Man oh man, that girl can throw a tantrum and she doesn’t even know what they are yet. I can’t imagine what it will be like when she’s older and knows what she’s doing. And I certainly can’t imagine it with two.

    I wish I could babysit for you. I used to watch three girls, a 4 year old and her two year old twins. I called them the “devil children” (horrible I know) for a while, but they weren’t really bad, they were just super exhausting. I left there every time feeling completely drained. I actually crashed my first car leaving their house, 36 hours after I got my license, because I was so tired I could literally barely see straight (only three blocks from their place). So toddler twins are truly insane (or can be).

    I hope your twins don’t make you crash your car. And I hope you find a sitter soon. I wish 18 year old me were still around. She could wrangle them for you.

    We should get together sometime. Let me know when you’re free!

  2. Ok, you just made me feel so much better. I’m so sorry you crashed your car, but it makes me not feel like such an idiot that I slammed my finger in the door and broke it in January.

    Let’s definitely do a meet-up.

  3. You know what? You are allowed to complain sometimes. Obviously parenting is hard and it’s not fair that we judge ourselves so harshly against fertiles. If they’re allowed to complain, then surely we are too. I think the difference comes in to whom and how we complain about it. If it’s to someone who’s been struggling for years and still is childless, we know the last thing they want to hear is you complaining about your kids, but if it’s to someone who’s there or been there, then that’s a different thing.

    And besides your ad was funny.

  4. It’s a fine line isn’t it? But life is a mess and if you’re going to write about life, I don’t think you can be honest unless you tell all of it, mess included.

  5. As a former sitter/nanny, I think that your ad is on the right track. The more detail you can give of what you need from a sitter, the more likely you will get one who can handle the job. 🙂 If you want any more input on making things work with a sitter (from the sitter’s perspective) feel free to e-mail me.

    And I think you have every right to vent (occasionally) about how tough it is to be a parent. We know you love and are grateful for your kids. 😉

  6. I think it’s absolutely FINE to vent! Geez, I think I’d lose my mind if I couldn’t. Hope you find a nanny soon! 🙂

  7. YES you are allowed to be overwhelmed and express it. Three-year-olds can be tough, and I can’t even imagine dealing with two of them at once. Good luck finding your own SuperNanny!

  8. Oh, I so understand where you’re coming from in this post.

    I think it’s harder for IFers because we have higher expectations of ourselves to enjoy, enjoy, enjoy every single bit of what we struggled to attain.

    The only good advice i got about this was: “This, too, shall pass.”

    (Which is no where near as good as a nanny!)

  9. Wordgirl

    I remember when my stepson was three. Whew. It was just as I’d started to see my husband — and I had to think long and hard about what it meant to parent because it was clear that three year olds were a challenge — and I think its the most challenging — the good news is that in a year it was a different world for us.

    My little girl is now entering toddlerhood and sometimes its all I can do to summon the patience I need. Like you I don’t write all that much about it on my blog because you walk that fine line after experiencing IF — but it’s okay to tell your story.

    I’m glad I found your blog! I LOVE Lori’s Perfect Moments — I should revisit them…

    Pam

  10. Lut C.

    Yes, you can vent about the trials of parenthood.

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