Hey, Jealousy

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Darcy has been traveling for work for the last three weeks. Canada, NYC and now London. It’s hard for me to remember, but I used to have a hard-driving career, and I was expected to travel for work. I remember being charmed by the idea of a jet-setting job, but the realities (dreary rooms with horrifyingly ugly patterned drapes, severe limits on all spending, 12-14 hour days plus dinner with the clients) soon put an end to my glamorous ideas.  So I know it’s not all fun and games.

Darcy and I used to live in London, and we still have good friends who live there.  Darcy went out to dinner with them all yesterday, and it made me feel sad and left out.   Today he posted on Foursquare that he was at some place called “Karaoke Box” and he was “in heaven”.

I’ve never been the kind of lame girlfriend who didn’t let my partner go out with his friends.  But this annoyed me.  And made me jealous that I was “missing out” on fun.

Why?   I’m not really sure.   Sometimes, since I’ve become a mother, I’ll  go through weird phases where I feel “deprived”: of attention, sleep, food or freedom.   When I feel this way, I’ll go out with friends and eat a fattening, unhealthy meal, or drive too fast on my way to pick up the kids in the station wagon with non-Mom music blaring (think MGMT).  I’ll take naps on the weekend while Darcy watches the kids.  I’ll go to the gym and work out so hard, I risk injury.

I think it’s because sometimes mothering knocks me out of balance.

Have any of you felt this way, and if so, how have you regained balance in a healthy way?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ah, the street where we used to live…I love London.

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3 Comments

Filed under Discovering joy, Family, Parenting After IF

3 responses to “Hey, Jealousy

  1. chhandita

    Me!! Me!!! M is out to city K for a workshop. And I was thinking of the very same thing. There was a time when I was the one who was doing all the traveling around. Meting top notch officials (one of the projects I worked on was an International conference which was inaugurated by the Prime Minister and President of India. I got emails and phone calls from the offices of governors telling me I had done a great job. and I LOVED IT!! In of these conferences I worked for 20 hours straight, for 3 days. I LOVED it all. And I don’t even have girl friends here in my city to make me feel better. Sad, sad life eh?. I feel SO jealous of M coz he has many friends all over the world. I, on the other hand, cannot make friends easily. Work was my social life for so long that I had forgotten life otherwise. So what do I do when I feel like that? I read, I watch a good movie. I chant. and I dream of getting a part of that life back.

  2. Esperanza

    My man is going to the SXSW music festival in Austin next week. I oscillate between being happy for him that he’s getting to see his friends and feeling jealous that he gets five days to be his old self. Of course I could never be away from Isa for that long anyway. But I totally hear you on this. And no I don’t know how to find a balance in a healthy way.

  3. Practically speaking, if you don’t already have a reliable day time baby sitter, even for a few hours, start finding one. Perhaps another mother who you can trade off with, and don’t use those moments as backed up laundry time. Consider those sacred hours in which to continue your love affair with your freest self and have them as often as you can. It will truly make you a better parent and it will teach your children that they are allowed to love themselves too.
    Having said that, my youngest left home for college last year and I sat and stared at the walls for about six months. You will have the moments you miss again in your life, but I promise you, for a while you will almost wish you didn’t. There is gifted and giving in every moment of experience.

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