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Darcy has been traveling for work for the last three weeks. Canada, NYC and now London. It’s hard for me to remember, but I used to have a hard-driving career, and I was expected to travel for work. I remember being charmed by the idea of a jet-setting job, but the realities (dreary rooms with horrifyingly ugly patterned drapes, severe limits on all spending, 12-14 hour days plus dinner with the clients) soon put an end to my glamorous ideas. So I know it’s not all fun and games.
Darcy and I used to live in London, and we still have good friends who live there. Darcy went out to dinner with them all yesterday, and it made me feel sad and left out. Today he posted on Foursquare that he was at some place called “Karaoke Box” and he was “in heaven”.
I’ve never been the kind of lame girlfriend who didn’t let my partner go out with his friends. But this annoyed me. And made me jealous that I was “missing out” on fun.
Why? I’m not really sure. Sometimes, since I’ve become a mother, I’ll go through weird phases where I feel “deprived”: of attention, sleep, food or freedom. When I feel this way, I’ll go out with friends and eat a fattening, unhealthy meal, or drive too fast on my way to pick up the kids in the station wagon with non-Mom music blaring (think MGMT). I’ll take naps on the weekend while Darcy watches the kids. I’ll go to the gym and work out so hard, I risk injury.
I think it’s because sometimes mothering knocks me out of balance.
Have any of you felt this way, and if so, how have you regained balance in a healthy way?
Ah, the street where we used to live…I love London.