Photo credit: Public domain, from Wikimedia Commons
So I wrote a blog post about wanting to capture joy when it occurs, somewhat like trapping a firefly in a glass jar. Because I am an over thinker, I decided to figure out what brought me joy in the past so I would be able to recognize it now. Because I fear I have become somewhat anhedonic. The obvious big joys (marriage, childbirth) are hard for my heart to remember. Hopefully, I may give birth again, and I hope to never marry again. But these events are like a lunar eclipse or Hailey’s Comet. Once in a lifetime.
So what is joy to me? I want to start small. Instead of making a three course Gordon Ramsey meal, I’ll begin by serving a shrimp cocktail. You see, I can be quite shallow sometimes. Is there anything more flashy, yet easy to prepare than shrimp cocktail? And so, if you’ll pardon the strained metaphor, my shrimp cocktail equivalent of joy is being glamorous. When I was in my early twenties, I lived my life as if I were in a Hollywood romantic drama. Audrey Hepburn was my style icon, and I wore cat eye sunglasses, black turtlenecks, trench coats and little black dresses. And I always wanted to attend glamourous soirees. I was like a grown-up Fancy Nancy.
One time I was invited to an actual soiree (who knows how). It was a gathering celebrating the fashion designer Anna Sui. Oh, the delirious imaginings: this would be the evening I met my George Clooney/was discovered for my unique sense of self/would be declared the toast of the town. It started out well: I provided a quote to the gossip columnist there (something inane about how wearing moisturizer under M.A.C. Foundation was key to dewy skin. Yikes.) Champagne was served, mingling was done. Anna Sui herself sat alone. I think everyone was afraid to actually speak to her. Now was my chance! I walked up to her and said hi. And then…you know that nightmare where your tongue is stuck to the top of your mouth and you can’t speak? That actually happened to me. A frozen silence, followed by me finally turning around to hide away from the shame. The shame of having nothing to say to Anna Sui!!
Anyway, that’s mortifying, but mostly what I remember about that night was the glamour. The clothes, the champagne, the design crowd, and the music! They played this song which I have long searched for it, but today I finally located it. It’s called “A Very Stylish Girl”, and it is an ode to Audrey Hepburn, appropriately enough. Wasn’t she gorge?!? Hearing this song brings me a sense of superficial coolness and glamour, which is a type of joy I suppose. In any case, this memory and listening to this song is my Perfect Moment.