Another Year, A Unique Crossroads

This birthday (my 38th) is presenting me with a unique dilemma. I had a miscarriage in March at eight weeks, which ended my first natural pregnancy ever. My ObGyn said the chances of my getting pregnant at all were extremely low, it took three IVF attempts to get me pregnant with my twins, and yet, somehow I got pregnant on my own. Of course, it was a miscarriage. I have not managed to get pregnant since.

The dilemma is this: how badly do we want a third child? I was very miserable after the miscarriage, and very attached to the little one,
and to the idea of adding to our family. But, how far am I willing to go for a third? We no longer have the insurance funds to do another IVF cycle. Even if we did, it would be very disruptive to our lives, what with the retrieval, drugs, and timed procedures for my husband. I remember needing laserlike focus to get through each cycle, and this was before having toddler twins. I also have reservations about putting my body through all that again.

Time is a ticking, this is pretty much my last chance to get moving on this. I would like do get some resolution as I enter my 38th year. Hopefully this will come to me…soon.



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7 responses to “Another Year, A Unique Crossroads

  1. Jen

    I understand how that would be a hard decision to make, especially with what you have been through. I hope you can come to a decision that you and hubby are both ok with and at peace with. Happy Birthday!

  2. Thanks Jen 🙂 Hopefully we’ll work it out soon…

  3. Hi there! Just found your blog, and hope that you had a happy birthday 🙂 I can understand why you feel that way, it is a huge decision to make. My husband and I just started the IVF journey, visited a donor egg bank that my friend recommended, and I am terrified to take on the challenge. We want a little baby so bad, that we are willing and able to take on the sacrifices for now…. Hope that you and your husband can come to a conclusion soon. All the best wishes!

  4. Thanks Julie! Good luck to you as you embark on the IVF journey…it’s a big step to begin the process. All my best…

  5. Thankyou for the kind words on my blog!

    Re your crossroads – it’s such a personal decision and one that can only really come from the heart – the heart never fails you!

    I hope you DO fulfill your Christmas wish by seeing the joy in every day and grabbing every moment of it!!


  6. Pingback: Tuesday Time Warp: Resolution | Too Many Fish to Fry

  7. I am here from the future via Time Warp Tuesday. I can really appreciate this post, as I am approaching 37 and at a similar place in my life. As I talk about in my Time Warp post today, though we have made a “soft” decision to be done trying to have more children, I don’t think I will feel like our family building journey is fully resolved until we make it a “hard” decision and take action that makes sense to us to make it final, so that we can truly move on with our lives. Even though it is so unlikely we would be able to conceive on our own again, we realize that it is possible and I know I can’t handle living with the uncertainty indefinitely.

    There is so much involved and so many layers to the idea of trying again and then if it were to actually happen being pregnant again after having struggled with secondary infertility and loss for so long. I have such mixed feelings about all of this, as you can tell. I hope that you are able to find some resolution for you and your family in regards to your family building journey. Though I think it is especially difficult for those of us who have dealt with infertility and loss to do.

    Heading back to read your new post today, to see where you are at with all of this almost a year after you wrote this post.

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