Moments of Grace

It’s been a tough spring. The miscarriage has been followed by a period of ill health for me and my kids. Nothing serious, but we all had the stomach flu, then a nasty cold, I have a bad case of acid reflux I’m trying to get under control with medication and my doctor discovered that I have an underlying case of anemia, probably exacerbated by the miscarriage. I have twins who are two and are extremely challenging from a physical and mental standpoint so to be drained of energy is not ideal. Lately I’ve just felt like a zombie, and the highlight of my day has been when I get the kids to bed so that I can crawl into my own bed at 7:30 PM.

This is typically how I deal with a tragedy, my immune system sort of breaks down. Now that at least the stomach flu and cold are gone, I’m trying to claw myself out of this unhealthy hole, mostly by trying to purposefully bring joy back into my life at least once a day. I started reading the entire Sherlock Holmes series again; I haven’t read those books since I was a child and they are so much fun. On Friday I ordered blueberry cheese blintzes at IHOP for dinner (for all my foodie pretensions, there’s nothing I enjoy more than breakfast for dinner). I picked some beautiful flowers from our garden.

And today I heard a piece of music on the radio that was so beautiful it was almost otherworldly. It’s called Requiem: In Paradisum by the French composer Faure, and according to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, he wrote it after his mother’s death (who knows). But there’s nothing sad about it, instead it feels like balm to my soul. You can hear it here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=82L8AaqA-Dc

Although I am still so sad about the loss, at least now I can see moments of grace and beauty around me.

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5 Comments

Filed under Infertility, Miscarriage

5 responses to “Moments of Grace

  1. cainml

    I enjoyed reading your blog. The song you posted is beautiful. I was proud to say that I have been to King’s College in Cambridge, UK and it is a beautiful place to see! I’m going through IVF #1 in May 2010 and I can only pray for twins (2 for 1 special, I say)! Good luck with the twins!

  2. Pingback: Time Warp Tuesdays: Comments Please | Too Many Fish to Fry

  3. I am here from “the future” via Time Warp Tuesday. I really appreciate this post. I love that in the midst of your pain, suffering and grief that you sought out and brought about these “moments of grace.” That is such a healthy and therapeutic way to deal with difficult and uncertain times in our lives. I have never read any of the Sherlock Holmes series and will have to keep that in mind. I love having breakfast for dinner too! Very fun and comforting, not to mention delicious!

    The You Tube link here is broken, but I am pretty sure you shared a new one in your Time Warp Post that you wrote about reflecting on this one today, so I look forward to listening to it when I return to finish reading and comment there. Thank you so much for doing the Time Warp again with us this week! I always enjoy revisiting some of your old posts and reflecting on them with you. 🙂

  4. Reading is something I’ve always done for comfort and renewal. I’ve never read all of Sherlock Holmes; two of my favorites are Narnia and Anne of Green Gables.

    Breakfast foods are simply too good to only have at breakfast time. I’ll probably go make some now.

    I’m sorry that anyone has to cope with tragedy, but I must admire your graceful, beautiful climb up the slope to recovery.

  5. It’s so odd, those moments when we are profoundly sad but also delighted by something.

    The link no longer works but I was able to find another version of the song. Flowers (especially purple ones) and good music always delight me, too 🙂

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