Silly me for thinking that my troubles were on the mend. On Friday I was diagnosed with pneumonia, and on Saturday, an air quality inspector that my husband hired because he couldn’t believe all this was a coincidence – he was diagnosed with bronchitis on Thursday – found black mold above our bed. So now we have decamped to my in-laws and I am trying to sleep but I can’t because not only can I not breathe properly, but I’m pretty sure the shuffling noices above me are rats scampering about in the ceiling.
I feel like Job.
It’s been a tough spring. The miscarriage has been followed by a period of ill health for me and my kids. Nothing serious, but we all had the stomach flu, then a nasty cold, I have a bad case of acid reflux I’m trying to get under control with medication and my doctor discovered that I have an underlying case of anemia, probably exacerbated by the miscarriage. I have twins who are two and are extremely challenging from a physical and mental standpoint so to be drained of energy is not ideal. Lately I’ve just felt like a zombie, and the highlight of my day has been when I get the kids to bed so that I can crawl into my own bed at 7:30 PM.
This is typically how I deal with a tragedy, my immune system sort of breaks down. Now that at least the stomach flu and cold are gone, I’m trying to claw myself out of this unhealthy hole, mostly by trying to purposefully bring joy back into my life at least once a day. I started reading the entire Sherlock Holmes series again; I haven’t read those books since I was a child and they are so much fun. On Friday I ordered blueberry cheese blintzes at IHOP for dinner (for all my foodie pretensions, there’s nothing I enjoy more than breakfast for dinner). I picked some beautiful flowers from our garden.
And today I heard a piece of music on the radio that was so beautiful it was almost otherworldly. It’s called Requiem: In Paradisum by the French composer Faure, and according to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, he wrote it after his mother’s death (who knows). But there’s nothing sad about it, instead it feels like balm to my soul. You can hear it here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=82L8AaqA-Dc
Although I am still so sad about the loss, at least now I can see moments of grace and beauty around me.