“House-less by Choice”
I first stumbled upon a subculture I was unaware of after an article was brought to my attention. Offbeat Mama had interviewed a couple, Kayla and “Checkers,” about their unconventional lifestyle. Here was Kayla’s explanation of their living situation:
“Homeless seems more like not having a home and house-less is not having just one designated house over your head at all times. I prefer house-less because I indeed have a home whether it be in the woods, in a house, in an RV, in a car, in any state or country, anywhere. My home is Checkers and Sunny — we don’t need a house to have a home.”
Sunny (or Sunshine Rae) is Kayla’s daughter, she’s now a one year old and she too is “house-less.” Soon after having Sunny, Kayla became pregnant again: the “houseless by choice” trio would soon be a foursome. Then, according to Kayla’s since deleted blog, Sunshine was removed from “Checkers” and Kayla’s care and placed with CPS. At this point, Kayla’s Tumblr account got quite vague but it appears Sunny is back in the care of Kayla and “Checkers.”
Everything changed with a recent entry:
“On June 25th your aunt Karlee had surprise twin boys; Kyle Fly and Miles Trust. They were 6 weeks early so they were very tiny and under a lot of stress. They were both doing pretty good, but Kyle was barely hanging in there. He passed away last night at 4:09am. You woke up last night crying around the same time he passed and it made me wonder if maybe somehow you knew something was wrong. Even though you only have 1 little boy cousin physically here, you will always have 2 little boy cousins. I know that you won’t understand any of this until you are older but I thought I would still write it down so that you could one day look back and read about little Kyle and how he was a precious being too special for this world.”
“They Ride the Trains”
So Kayla has a sister, Karlee, who followed in her sister’s tracks, so to speak, as a “houseless” traveler. She hooked up with a boyfriend, whose name is “Bam.” Karlee and Bam had a daughter at about the same time as Sunny’s birth, but reliquished her to Kayla and Karlee’s father. Kayla mentioned in the Offbeat Mama article that Karlee and Bam “ride the trains.”
Soon, though, Karlee fell pregnant again. She announced it, as you do, on Facebook.
“Chillin wit my love watchin sum boobtube. Baby number 2 excited.
January 15″
The next update involves “Checkers,” ham, and most ominously, cigarettes.
“chillin wit the family n my love. cant wait to eat this Ham checkers is cookin.
There was talk on Facebook by Karlee about traveling in Indiana, living on a boat, chilling in a squat with a “pet rat” (I am NOT making this UP, guys!), stopping in Lexington, Ohio and also, stays in unspecified woods. And “waitin’ on a train:”
“Waitin on a train. God we have such a gorgeous lil girl. iloveBam. May 11″
So you remember hobos during the depression hitching trains? That way of traveling still exists.
July 1st, she announced that one of the (surprise) twins has passed away.
Resting up in this hotel with my lover Bam. Glad i got my pain med. Filled i was hurtin 2 badly. Pickin up kyles ash’s tomorrow cant wait 2 get them on necklesses
THE HELL?!? All four parties are very young. (Karlee appears to be in her late teens, Kayla in her early twenties.)
I Just Can’t!
Somehow, this whole MESS disturbs me greatly. The twin passing away made me cry. Obviously, it feels completely unfair (because I know about the millions of infertile women who want children so badly and would be such wonderful mothers) to watch these young girls produce five children in less than two years. One was in foster care, one has passed away, one is in the NICU, one is in the full-time care of her grandfather and one is yet to be born.
AND WHO HAS SURPRISE TWINS?! In this day and age?
This is what I’m thinking about when I hear “Everything happens for a reason.” Really? It does?
I don’t think so.
I am stumbling over what to say to this. Can’t wait for the ‘necklesses’? That’s what gets me the most. I mean, other than being houseless yet still connected to the world via Facebook and tumblr. I just…wow. I think I’ll have to post about my feelings on when it is and isn’t okay to be houseless. Not a lot of prenatal care when you’re riding the rails, y’know?
wow. Its hard to read without feeling my judgment hat on my head. I guess they’re still dealing with loss, in their own way but yeah. So many different layers on this
Sometimes you have to question whether some of the shit you read on the net is real. If indeed this is, it is devastatingly sad for SO many reasons…
That’s h
Thats how I feel when I hear some people aren’t meant to have children. Really, I would have thought they meant those that do and shouldn’t not those that should and can’t.
Wow, what a story, that’s just crazy. My first reaction, is this really true? I find it very disturbing as well.
I, um, first heard of them via GOMI. Huge thread there if you are interested. Anyway, yeah. WTF. If these kids want to live their lives in such a ridiculous, dangerous manner, that’s one thing but to keep having babies and not be in any position to take care of them is horrifying. It’s a slap in the face to responsible adults everywhere.
Not sure what to make of this story. But wanted you to know I read your post and am proud of you for keeping pace with NaBloPoMo.
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I have lots of thoughts about this… I can understand your feeling vulnerable about posting it. I wonder what layers of the story we’re not seeing.
Can I e-mail you? I can’t find an e-mail address on your site. You can contact me at e.phantzi@yahoo.com.
It seems to me, as long as they are able to support themselves and their children, then good for them to live the life they want. Too many of us struggle for all the things we think we “need” to have, never questioning whether we really need them all. However, I don’t think that’s the case. From the post you linked to, I think these people are living off of government benefits, which are not designed to give people a choice of whether or not they want to work.
I do have to say, though, that not having a permanent home does not make someone a bad parent. I’ve seen many great parents in homeless shelters. Not providing food and clothing, physically or verbally abusing a child, exposing a child to danger… those things make bad parents.
It’s tricky with this story to tell where the divide is between non-mainstream life choices, and true irresponsibility and child endangerment. In part because it’s a mediated narrative. (But then, what isn’t?)
Totally mind boggling.
You know what though, it actually doesn’t boggle my mind, maybe because I know people who have made non-mainstream choices – an old college boyfriend, e.g., who rode the trains for a couple months after graduation – but then he didn’t have kids (and is now a high school English teacher with a very mainstream life).
There is a strata of society we don’t often see, who perform many of the services we rely on, who are sometimes pushed into these ways of living that seem foreign because they are hidden from view.
I totally get your point about wtf “REASON” can there be for all the sad things we see happening to really good people. I think we get a concentrated dose of knowledge through the ALI community, but in a way I wish everybody in the world got that dose too. It would be an inoculation against idiocy. When you see infants endangered by the choices their young and irresponsible mothers make, it does make the blood boil.
I agree also that any attempt to decide who “deserves” or doesn’t deserve to have children is very scary territory. Western society has gone that way before – sterilizations of people of color, for example – not cool. But yeah. Fraught.
I think a major question here is where does a parent’s non-mainstream life choice (and choice is the key word) become detrimental to their children? Choosing to live off the grid? Fine if you are able to support yourself and your children and provide the necessities. Train hopping? Living in your car (by choice)? Picking up hitchhikers carrying drugs (there is more to their story)? That is irresponsible and downright dangerous.
It’s funny you posted this, because I was in the doctor’s office earlier yesterday, and saw one of the girls that used to be in our youth group (it’s her father’s practice). She works there now, and has a seven month old son. She was way into drugs and alcohol when I met her, and we were trying to offer her a safe space to come clean, but she wasn’t ready for it … unfortunately, I don’t think she’s ready to be a mom, either. Seeing her standing there, I felt sort of angry, like she shouldn’t have been “saved” by her family this way: given a job, free babysitting, a place to live … but then … at least she’s helping to take care of this child. It’s the carelessness in the reproduction that bothers me, I think … that people like the train riders (and maybe, in a small way, my former youth grouper) see the creation of life as such a throwaway process … when we see it as something sacred.
Brave post to put out there. Good for you.