I’ve talked before about the fact that my constitution is generally that of a Victorian missus whose smelling salts are always near.
I get viruses often, I get strange exotic ailments that take 20+ doctors to diagnose. I am tired, a lot. Normal events, like a playdate or afternoon at the zoo or a morning at the Discovery Museum make me feel like I need a nap.
I see a doctor regularly. I take supplements. I take medications. I work out. I have been eating pretty healthy for a while now. I drink a lot of water. I’m being proactive.
And raising four year old twins, who get super exotic evil viruses every two weeks, who have the energy of 10 whirling dervishes EACH and who no longer take naps, is a challenge for me.
In the past, I’ve been the one thinking that I’m a failure for not living up to higher standards.
Then I had the epiphany that I need to stop comparing myself to others.
The problem is, the comparing doesn’t just come from within. Those I see most often, other than my blogger friends, judge me.
You see, they come from Viking stock. They have an immune system that really should be studied by the CDC. They never get ill, or if they do, it’s just a minor annoyance. They get up at 5 AM, build the world, come home, look down their nose at tired me, while they work. Some more. They are embarrassed and annoyed by me.
I know that despite my ailments I have accomplished a lot.
I overcame a strange mystery illness. It took a year and a lot of inner fortitude.
I went through 3 IUIs, an injectibles cycle, three IVF cycles and a chemical pregnancy.
I carried an incredibly difficult twins pregnancy to 35 weeks, 5 days. (Luck was obviously involved here.)
I took care of, by myself 20 hours a day, infant twins who suffered from reflux and needed to be fed around the clock every two hours until they were five months old.
I dealt with a daughter who had scary pre-asthmatic symptoms and a febrile seizure while dealing with my own pneumonia.
I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks.
I have raised two children who are remarkably confident, happy, verbal, curious and sweet. And it’s not just me who thinks this. I do this by myself, except on the weekends. When I have help. And I really, really, want to sleep in on Saturdays. It is thought if I do that, I am lazy. But I am honestly just so tired.
I know I’m no longer cheerful or fun. I’m crabby and frazzled and negative. This has been remarked upon at length. But I know it’s true.
Also, my blogging is not appreciated in some quarters.
I don’t want to sound like a victim. I’d rather think of myself as a survivor.
How can I be an energetic, friendly, happy survivor? I’d really like to know. Any suggestions?