I will probably delete this tomorrow.
But first: OMG! You guys are totally RAD!
We’ve hit the 1000 mark for BOTH Faces of ALI stories. Most of the traffic continues to be from Facebook. This is incredible. NEVER, did I ever think this would happen. You did this. THANK YOU!!
OK. I promised. Let me set the mood.
It’s the year 2000. I haven’t moved to London yet. A sincere and nice person, who knows my history with exercise classes and yet genuinely wants to help me find peace and serenity, suggests something. I am redacting her name to protect the innocent.
THAT’S RIGHT Esperanza and Lori. She suggested YOGA.
How could yoga go bad? Yoga is peaceful. Yoginis are gentle non-judgemental souls.
Ji X is an incredibly kind person. But she is very prim and proper. She’s also super athletic. Northern California is a terrible place to live when you can’t exercise without falling down or humiliating yourself.
So she suggested a hot yoga class. I’m sure you all know what that is, but just in case: here.
I should mention that I was under a lot of stress with work at the time. In my world, stress goes right to my stomach. It makes it burble and be very unhappy.
So I get to the class, and expect it will be a nurturing, welcome environment. Not so much.
There are more men than women there. Ugh. I hate exercising with men. I really do.
The instructor looks unkind. Which, it’s fucking YOGA! Be nice!
He tells us “This ain’t your mother’s yoga.” I instantly know I’m in trouble.
Anyway, I can’t do any of the poses well. I’m very unflexible. It was my biggest problem as a ballerina. Luckily, no one seems to care. Until:
We get to a pose that “relaxes the hip flexors”.
Yeah, that pose relaxed something else somewhere else than my hips. Fucking loudly.
You can guess what the class’s reaction was. LAUGHTER. LOTS OF IT.
And the jerk instructor? “SOMEONE RELAXED A BIT TOO MUCH!”
Anyway, I am sure that you are the kind of person who can get through an exercise classes without farting loudly.
So, feel free to delete me from your Google reader
Point is, you rule people. THANK YOU!