Day 49: Much Better and Mommy Wars

Darcy’s home for the weekend, thankfully. He leaves Sunday night for two more weeks, but today he made me stay in bed, took care of the twins, made me good, hearty food (steak, baked potatoes) and got me girl scout cookies. I feel loads better.

He rules.

On my enforced bedrest, I’ve been trying to read some parenting blogs. (I’m avoiding the term mommy blogs.) It’s a jungle out there! What’s up with the strident, controversy-provoking craziness out there? I’m referring to “The Stir”, “Feminist Breeder”, and other mommy war zones that I shall not name.

It all reminds me of a Chris Rock stand-up routine I once saw. He made the point that women are smarter, work harder and know much more than men, yet they don’t rule the world even though they should. Why? “Because women HATE other women!”

I’m going to provoke ire here, but I would never profess to have a one-size fits all philosophy on parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding and disciplining. Dr. Sears has caused much pain and suffering among some mothers who can’t physically or mentallly live up to the exacting demands of attachment parenting. Do I admire people who try? Sure! Do I hate people who are human and can’t do it? No. No, I do not.

Why all the hate? I think it’s cool you breastfed for two years. I ran out of supply at four months even after seeing the most devoted lactation consultant ever who was at my house three times a week at least, who after having me feed on demand every two hours, try special teas and herbs, a glass of beer, domperidone (which caused corrosive acid reflux I’m still dealing with), nipple shields, having me feed, then weighing the babies after, pumping, finally concluded “you have run out of supply.” Yes, I tried everything, no I didn’t want to fail. But I did. It happens. Why do you have to make people feel bad about it?

Arghhh. Women! But not you, beautiful readers :)

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9 Comments

Filed under Family, Fear

9 responses to “Day 49: Much Better and Mommy Wars

  1. chhandita

    Well said!!! I had to wean D at a little over 7 months, 2 reasons. My supply was dwindling, and I was LOSING weight, like crazy. But whenever I told people that D was on formula, people would give the dagger look.. Gosh…Women really hate women. I do my best as a mother, other’s do what is best for them. let’s not judge yeah? weaning early, co-sleeping (or not), CIO (or not) – these are not the issues! The real issues are out there – neglect, abuse, etc.etc, lets focus on THEM.

    Rant over :)

  2. chhandita

    And am so GLAD you are feeling better. You have a rockstar husband :)

  3. I don’t get why some women are not understanding of these issues. Everyone is different and so is every family. I have seen this too and avoiding those spaces. When I get there, I want to make my own decisions.

  4. I so agree … women really ought to support each other better! The same applies for the SAHM/WOHM camps … we’re so busy hurling insults and passing judgment that we forget how much we have in common, and how much we need each other.

  5. I am so glad you’ve had enforced bedrest – just what you needed to start getting better!

    And I agree with you, what’s up with all the hate? I love the idea of attachment parenting, but I’m clinging to the mantra repeated over and over at the beginning of Dr. Sears’ book that basically says every parent and child are different – use this book as a guideline and do what works for you and your child. Do all these haters out there forget that?

    Chris Rock was so right.

  6. The view looking back gives you a perspective that is hard to have when you’re constantly asking yourself if you’re “doing it right.” Basically love your kids. That’s all they require and the judgmental reaction you get from others, women included, is always based in insecurity. Always.
    It’s high school all over again, but with car seats and organic juice boxes. You and your babies are better off ignoring it and realizing those women are in deep need of a few hugs.

  7. …and it bears saying that there is a delusion of “safety” in “I’m doing it right. You’re not.” because if I do it all “right” then nothing bad will happen to my children. They will grow up perfect, untroubled, well adjusted, healthy, successful etc. The reality is that you can do it all “right”, what’s “right” will change and life will still throw you and them a curve ball from time to time. It’s ultimately a matter of love, not how long you breastfeed or even if you breastfeed.

  8. geochick

    I agree and I’m not even there yet! So not looking forward to women judging my child rearing skills.

  9. geochick

    I missed the whooping cough post. That sucks, but I’m glad you’re feeling better.

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